A Mommy Blogger Personal Post: Introducing Myself

I'm a lover of blogs, they have offered me so many ideas, a comforting reassurance that I'm not "alone" in this motherhood journey and a source of community.

I have decided to share a bit of my story here so that, if you want, you can find out how I got here and a bit about where I have been. I would love to get to know you more, too, so feel free to leave and introduction or send me a link to your blog, if you have one. So where to begin... I grew up in Devon, UK with 3 younger sisters; I have dreamt of travelling and hoping to do more of this in the future, whether inside the UK or abroad. Though I have visited, Greece, Norway, Sweden, Belgium, Scotland, Wales and a little trip to Amsterdam. I enjoyed seeing all the different cultures and people. I am was a massive gamer from about theage of 16 I got into computer games and spent more hours than I'd like to admit to playing world of warcraft. I love books and all through secondary school you would always find me in the library or the ICT suit, either reading books or trying to write some stories. I am still a massive bookworm and recently have tried to join in with a few book clubs which I am really excited about being a part off and I still dabble in the computer games though I am no longer a hermit with them, thankfully. At age 18 I had my first son, he was a surprise and at the time I was very unsure what I was doing, in between school and college. Falling pregnant meant I couldn't do the course I had intended to do at college and so the dream job I had aimed for was shifted a little and put on the back burner, I studied health and social care instead as the time I needed off to have my son could count as my "work experience". Always loo, for the positives. I moved to Norway shortly after having J and I loved my time there however I had to come back to the UK(I will go into more about this another time). While I was there I made friends, tried a few different jobs and learnt a bit of the language, as well as enjoying the snow when it came in the winter-my inner child was amazed at just how much snow.. just a FYI snow fairies are really hard to do in deep snow and look nothing like what the movies had led me to believe. At 21 I had my Daughter, she was cheeky from day 1(being late) and so strong! J was absolutely smittened with her which I was so happy about because I was early worried about how he would react when she was finally born. T had J wrapped around her finger, he would stroke her hair while I fed her, he would go and get any toy she wanted from the toy box - despite me leaving toys there to encourage her crawling. He was an amazing big brother and their bond was all I had ever hoped for. Sadly this perfect life that  had envisioned watching J and T grow up and become adults came to a crushing halt. They were removed from my care and although I fought to get them back, jumping through every hoop and pushing against all mental barriers I was sadly on the loosing side and they were adopted. I just want to say I hold no ill wishes here, I was not in the best place mentally or physically and they deserved so much more than I could give them at that time. They are in an amazing adopted family and they are together(I get letters each year, that make me tear up and I am thankful that they are happy to do this with me) I honestly couldn't ask for more than that. I do hope that one day they come and find me-I Hope when that time comes they find someone worth finding and that is what has pushed me through. I dotted around different jobs, getting any training that the job centre had on offer, while I was on job seekers; plumbing, warehousing, security.. I even did a phoenix course with the fire service. I then started to sort my fitness to try and get into the Army, when I did my day test I was too slow for the mile run. Where I had been training and working myself up I didn't take into account we'd be running three miles and the last one was the one that was timed. So I left a little disheartened but with the knowledge for the next attempt. I was working with a few agencies and most of my shifts where around drivers mate or warehouse work and I loved the shifts. Beginning of 2016 I got a permanent job in retail and waved goodbye to agency. At 25 I fell pregnant with Theo, at the time I was over the moon. It put a change to my career plans(trying to get into the army) but it was a new venture. Though at the same time I was terrified and as the pregnancy went on my emotions were a roller coaster with the parenting assessments and just having social services involved again. Though I pushed through and was signed off from them when Theo was a few months old and I have never been so relieved and at peace as I was after that.

Theos trip has been one that has been ups and downs both for him and I though I would happily do it again because this little boy gave me a chance to be a mum again and I am forever thankful for that. I may not have the career I dreamt of but I have the best role I could ever ask for as his mum. I will forever be grateful for that.. Since having theo I got a breastfeeding peer supporter qualification and have done my levels 1 to 4 in makaton! Skills I didn't even think of a few years ago but skills I treasure. My life is full of many of the same daily tests and trials of any mum - sleepless nights, issues around food, trying to work out communication, Dr's appointments and trying to find a balance between home, work, chores and getting out enjoying showing this mini human what the world has on offer. I will be sharing some of the struggles though I am hoping this is only to show you that, as I said above,we aren't alone and I feel you. I am far from perfect and there are somethings that will be left out from my posts though I will try to be as upfront as I can. What I really want to share on my blog is this: it only takes a few moments to turn that frown upside-down and go from grumpy to gratitude. I hope this blog will help us see the rainbows in the rain, spinning the day in a better direction. So how about you? Where do you come from? How did you get here? I hope to "meet" you in  the comments soon.